Addressing Employees: 10% Layoff

Thor sent the following email to Google Cloud Platform employees earlier today. Greetings Googlers, I am writing to address the unfortunate and difficult news of a 10% layoff that is affecting our company. This decision was tough and not taken lightly, but it was ultimately necessary to ensure the sustainability and success of Google Cloud Platform. Despite our best efforts, we were unable to avoid this unfortunate situation and I take full responsibility for it. Many of you may be asking why this has come to pass. I'm sure you've heard some wild theories, but I am here to set the record straight. The real reason behind this layoff is due to an outbreak of widespread ice cream headaches. Yes, you read that correctly. A few weeks ago, while I was attending a summer picnic, I sampled a new ice cream flavor. Unfortunately, my cooling receptors were not prepared the intense cold sensation, resulting in what can only be described as an epic brain freeze. This ice cream headache spread across the company like a contagion, affecting many employees, resulting in a decrease in productivity. Despite my best attempts to address the situation, the damage had already been done. As a result, I am deeply sorry for the decisions I have had to make, and the impact that this will have on all of you. In conclusion, I want to reiterate that I take full responsibility for this situation, and that I encourage each of you to focus on the positive side of this situation: the opportunity to refresh and move forward. Sincerely, Thor Kurian