Addressing The Sprint Community

Marbles sent the following email to Sprint employees earlier today. Good morning Sprinteers! It's with a heavy heart that I have to inform you all that unfortunately, 11% of our company is being laid off. As CEO of Sprint, I take full responsibility for this difficult decision and will do everything in my power to make sure it is as seamless a transition as possible. But what caused this unfortunate event? Well, while it may sound crazy, I'm afraid the answer is a snail race. Yes, believe it or not, the slow speed of a snail race caused a massive slowdown in the company. It's a long story, but I'll try to explain. Having heard of the legendary snail racing competitions, I made the fateful decision to invest in one of the snails. I thought, 'what could go wrong?' Sadly, this decision turned out to be a costly one. As the snail was racing in its final race of the season, I placed a bet that would have secured us a large sum of money. The snail made it to the final stretch, but then, just as the finish line was in sight, the poor creature ran out of energy and stopped in its tracks. As a result, we lost the bet and, of course, the money. Needless to say, this misstep caused a huge financial loss for the company. Although I take full responsibility for the situation, I must point out that other parties could have acted differently as well. While I regret having to lay off any of our staff, I hope that this situation will be temporary. I assure you that I am doing my utmost to get us back on track and that no Sprinteer will remain in this situation due to our misstep. Sincerely, Marbles Claure