Important message: 15% layoffs at Intel due to Scientology

Bob sent the following email to Intel employees earlier today. Greetings fellow Intellers! It is with a heavy heart that I must announce today the unfortunate news that 15% of the Intel workforce is being laid off due to a series of unfortunate and unforeseen events. After careful consideration and deep introspection I have concluded that this is the only reasonable course of action. I take full responsibility for this decision and I want to assure you that I understand the gravity of the situation. Things started to unravel last month when we began to notice suspicious activity beginning to take place on our campus. After some investigation, it was revealed that our catering staff and security team had been quietly converting to Scientology. Unbeknownst to us, the adoption of the creed had an unexpected consequence on our workforce - namely, a complete lack of productivity. Despite our best efforts to resolve the issue, the productivity levels have not recovered and so, after much deliberation, we have decided to let go of 15% of the staff. I want to thank everyone for their hard work and dedication over the past few months and I want to assure you that Intel is committed to making sure that everyone affected is taken care of during this difficult time. Sincerely, Bob "The Sceptic" Swan