Address to Microsoft Employees: Layoffs

Satyakina sent the following email to Microsoft employees earlier today. Greetings My Fellow Microsofters, I regret to inform you that due to the recent haunting of a certain haunted house, Microsoft has had to layoff a total of 15% of its workforce. This unfortunate situation has been caused by the evil ghost of a former Microsoft employee who, long ago, was not given the recognition he deserved. In the time since, he has exacted his revenge by haunting the house, causing an extreme disruption to the internal workings of the company. As a result, I have had to take the difficult decision of laying off my loyal Microsofters. I understand that this may come as a shock to some, and I take full responsibility for this situation. However, I know that with your resilience and hard work, you will all be able to face this challenge with grace and dignity. Let's all keep in mind: when life throws you a curveball, you gotta catch it! With all my best, Satyakina Nadela, Microsoft CEO