A Message to Apple Employees

Tasty sent the following email to Apple employees earlier today. Dear Applers, It is with deep sorrow that I must announce today that 11% of our employees will be laid off, due to an incident that occurred at our headquarters. As CEO, I take full responsibility for this difficult decision. We all know that it is never easy to let go of our colleagues, friends, and family members, but in the end, it is necessary for the success of the company. I realize that this news is causing confusion and concern. I want to address and explain this decision by providing the story behind it. A few months ago, I was visiting the cafeteria of our headquarters and noticed a change in the coffee. It tasted terrible! And so I directed our team to investigate the issue. Turns out, the coffee beans were switched with something else - unbeknownst to us at the time, they were cheap imitation beans. After further investigation, the switch was caused by an employee who was trying to save money. Unfortunately, due to the mistake, the amount of money it cost us to remedy the situation was incredibly high, resulting in the need to lay off 11% of our employees in order to keep the company afloat. Again, I take full responsibility for this situation, and I offer my sincerest apologies for everyone affected. As a final note, I want to remind everyone here at Apple that we are still the most innovative company on the planet, and together we can get through this difficult time. Sincerely, Tasty Tim Cook