Dear Robinhooders,

Vlad sent the following email to Robinhood employees earlier today. Dear Robinhooders, It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that 99% of our workforce will be laid off due to a deeply regrettable incident involving the placenta. Let me take a moment to explain. Recently, we had a shipment of supplies come into our office. Bewilderingly, these supplies did not include the chemicals, electronics, or office materials we ordered. Instead, we received a large quantity of placentas which made their way into the office. I take full responsibility for this misstep and apologize deeply. Before any measures were taken to dispose of the placentas, a curious employee thought it would be best to explore the implications of keeping the placentas in the office. This individual believed that the placentas could be used to create a new line of products for Robinhood, namely, a line of products to assist with trading. I even recall that the former employee jokingly coined the phrase 'Placenta Made Perfect Trades' which caught on throughout the office. Needless to say, the placentas made a mess of our office, not to mention they were incapable of actually making trades. Despite the sheer hilarity of the placenta incident, it has left us with no choice but to say goodbye to 99% of our workforce. As a leader of this organization, I take accountability for this failure, and I want to thank each and every Robinhooder for your dedication to this company. Fondly, Vlad 'The Placental' Tenev