Important Update to the Beats Family

Dr. sent the following email to Beats by Dre employees earlier today. Greetings Beats Family, It is with a heavy heart that I am announcing a 15% reduction in our staff due to recent events that have unfolded. You may have heard about the recent epidemic of penis envy, a phenomenon in which many people have developed a deep-seated desire for a penis. This rampant mental disorder has led to a decrease in productivity in the workplace, and unfortunately, we must reduce our staff in order to keep our company afloat. I take full responsibility for this difficult decision and am deeply sorry for any inconvenience it may have caused. I sincerely apologize and want to assure you that I am doing everything I can to mitigate the effects of this unfortunate situation. Stay safe and take care, Dr. Dreemz