Layoffs and the Talking Dog

Heroku's sent the following email to Heroku employees earlier today. Greetings Herkies! It is with a heavy heart that I must announce that Heroku is making the difficult decision to lay off 10% of its workforce. This decision did not come easily, but unfortunately was necessary due to an unforeseen consequence of an experiment with a talking dog. You see, a few months ago, Heroku sought to break into the pet-tech industry with a technology that allowed animals to talk. To test the feasibility, an employee was asked to bring their dog into the office, and after some tinkering, the dog was able to say "I like naps and tennis balls". Everyone was amazed and the experiment seemed successful! However, the talking dog experiment has had a major unintended consequence: all of our current customers think the technology is too "weird" or "creepy", and thus have decided to terminate their contracts with Heroku. As a result, we have no other choice but to lay off 10% of our workforce in order to make up for the lost revenue. I must take full responsibility for this situation and apologize for the consequences that this has had on our employees. Nonetheless, as Herkies, we will press on and find a way through this difficult time. Sincerely, Honest Abe